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Feisty After 45 – Shared experiences and joyful story telling at its best!!

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Best Blogs

How exciting and what an honor to learn that one of my blog posts was selected for the book: Feisty After 45: The Best Blogs from Midlife Women, edited by Elaine Ambrose.

I absolutely love how the women in Feisty After 45 have taken real aspects from their lives, shared through their blogs, and invited us to feel, laugh, and experience with them. Nothing is left unsaid and many stories have an aspect of humorous irony that makes the reader smile along.

The blog of mine included is: HELP!! CELLULITE IS OVERTAKING MY BODY! What makes the blog even better is it includes information from credible websites that use evidenced based research to educate, as do I. However, as I say to anyone who has pranced the beach in her bathing skirt amongst the firm, 20 year-old thong-wearing group …to hell with it and enjoy!

Not all of the blogs are laugh out loud funny, as some are poignant and others take us on journeys we might not experience. For example, one of the blogs, titled Allegorie de Soie, written beautifully by Susan Swicegood Boswell, is a post about her travels to Machu Picchu, a place I have always wanted to visit. For her, it is a life affirming or even a life-changing event. You need to read and decide for yourself, but it truly inspired me. In the end, I felt I wanted to experience all of her encounters first hand.

I could go on and on, as I so connected with the stories on many levels. My only disappointment is that I didn’t get to meet the other writers in person. What a lively group gathering that would be for sure. However, I do get to associate with them through their inclusion in Feisty After 45.

How did Feisty Over 45 become so rich with great story telling? No doubt through the selections by editor, Elaine Ambrose. She is an amazing, well-published humor writer. One of her best selling books, Midlife Cabernet, is a very funny look at love and life in middle age. Loved it too.  Publishers Weekly wrote that the book is “laugh-out-loud funny,” and Foreword Reviews wrote that the collection of essays is “an argument for joy.” Elaine won two national humor awards for Midlife Cabernet.

In this crazy election season, I say take an escape into authentic real-life stories where you will, no doubt, feel the kind of emotion that brings you to a better place created only from shared experiences, humor and joyful story telling. Have a wonderful journey!! I know I did.

Find the book here:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_7?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=feisty+after+45&sprefix=feisty+%2Caps%2C138

 

Mom and Teen Daughter Detente: 1st Topic is Shaving

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I just might win the Nobel Peace Prize for my next several blog postings and who would have thought I would become eligible by resolving mother/daughter shaving conflicts.

Let me step back: The reality is that moms have to address the urgently important requests that come their way from their frantic teen daughters (teen daughters: To be clear, I really don’t think you are frantic, but that is how moms sometimes see you!). And, teen girls have to get their unyielding moms’ permission to do things that they truly believe they should be allowed to do (mom’s: I don’t see you as unyielding, but when you don’t consider what your daughter’s needs really are, you may be seen that way by them!). What a quandary for both if they don’t find resolution. After all, this is the time when daughters need their moms the most and want to be able to talk to them about anything. And, moms want to protect and care for their daughters while still letting them mature into independent, self-confident young women.

The topics that I will be writing about in my next several blog postings, that cause mom/daughter disagreements, are: shaving, makeup and clothing styles. These are timeless teen topics because they are important aspects of a teen girls life. How do I know? It is because the experts at beinggirl.com receive lots of questions and comments about them on an ongoing basis. Many girls ask specifically about how we can help them get their moms to let them do something. My hope is to offer ways in which teen girls and their moms can talk requests associated with these topics without anger and annoyance and seek resolution that is acceptable to both. Along with that, I will share some fun history and facts about shaving, wearing makeup and clothing and styles that I hope all will find as interesting, as I did.

SHAVING
For some reason, some moms see shaving as a right of passage, which girls shouldn’t begin until they are at least 13 years old – no matter how hairy they are. In fact, there are some mothers who don’t think their daughters should ever shave, since they don’t and never did. Of course, it can be a cultural thing when it is perceived as being far more unnatural to shave then not. Usually though, that thinking is more prevalent outside the U.S.

Let’s start with the history of shaving. Beinggirl.com has an article on shaving that I will pull from for this post. The link is below if you want to read the entire article.

http://www.beinggirl.com/article/history-of-shaving/?utm_source=wordpress&utm_medium=NursePlummer&utm_content=link20111111&utm_campaign=comm_mgr

“Women and men began shaving their bodies as early as caveman times. In the Stone Age, cave men and women used sharpened rocks and seashells to scrape hair away, the first example of primitive shaving. In ancient Egypt, women applied hot wax and strips of gauze to the legs; after it hardened, they ripped the wax and hairs away, paving the way for today’s waxing procedures. Now that is pain! Early Arabian women introduced bandandoz, a precursor to the epilator. They laced cotton string between their fingers to form a cat’s cradle, then ran it briskly over their legs to simultaneously encircle and pull out hairs.
 
Even depilatories, creams, and lotions, which chemically dissolve hair, have an origin in the history of shaving. In the early 18th century, American women prepared poultices of caustic lye, which, when applied to legs, burned away unwanted hair.”

But why? “We do know that during the earliest Egyptian dynasties, some 7,000 years ago, aristocratic men shaved their faces, heads, and bodies, while women shaved their bodies and their heads. Clean-shaven bodies and faces were clear indicators of wealth, power, and gentility.
 
As civilizations advanced, to shave or not to shave became a matter of fashion. For early Greeks and Romans, beards symbolized wisdom, maturity, and manhood. But as shaving spread throughout the Roman Empire, beards became a mark of slaves, servants, and barbarians adding to the ever-changing history of shaving.”

Moving along in time, “Elizabethan female hair removal was equally unusual; the Queen herself, along with all the ladies of the court, began plucking the hair from the top of their foreheads in order to make their foreheads appear higher and nobler.” (Actually, I wondered about the large foreheads on the women in some paintings depicting women in Elizabethan times and thought they suffered from some genetic hair issue that was transferred because cousins married. Wrong, at least about the hairline.)

In the 20th century, women began showing more of their bodies and fashion dictated that legs and underarms become hairless. (Never thought that I would admit this, and publicly for sure, but when I was a teen I shaved my arms right down to the wrist. Even my friends thought that my bald arms looked odd. But at the time, I thought that is what everyone did. If I had talked to my mom, bet that wouldn’t have happened. Another reason for mom/daughter dialogue on even the most common of practices.) Today, women mostly shave their legs and underarms and it is considered common hygienic practice.

NOW THE DÉTENTE PART
For Moms: Mothers with teen girls need to pick their battles. If you want to do the wooley booley, no need to force that on your daughter. Your daughter has to take gym with other girls and, most-likely, wears sleeveless clothing in warm weather. You are being asked about this because your daughter has hair she wants to remove that you may not be aware that she has. Granted, I wish we lived in the kind of world where it didn’t matter, but it does. Girls notice each other and don’t want to be different on this front. I say let her do it when she asks. Use the request as a way to let her know you are listening and respect her. This is an easy ask, really, as it won’t hurt her and will help her feel more grown-up. Also, she will be more likely to come to you for some of the more challenging requests knowing that you will, at least, hear her out.

As an aside, if your daughter has a really heavy hair growth pattern, with hair on her face, chest or abdomen that is not hereditary, you should schedule an appointment with her health care provider. There may be some underlying glandular/hormonal issues that need to be diagnosed and treated by a medical professional.

For girls wanting to shave: Find a time to speak with your mom when there is no one else around. If fact, you may want to write a note or email her to schedule a time to do this. Read up a bit about shaving so you can let her know that the request was important enough for you to research it a bit before talking. Also, you may want to consider doing some of the things she asks of you, like putting the dishes away and straightening up your room, promptly and with a smile. Tell your mom that you have hair in places that you didn’t before and let her know how you feel about that. Let your mom talk too. Ask her about her first time shaving, if she does, and see if she remembers how she felt or if she asked her mom’s permission first. If she says YES, say thanks for listening. If she declines your request, and hopefully she won’t, ask her why without anger and if there will be a time that she thinks it would be ok for you to shave. Again, don’t get angry if she says NO. Anger will make you seem immature. After all, she may think further about this, appreciate your approach and change her mind. In any case, I believe talking to your mom is always best. Good luck!

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I want to thank my friend and colleague, Mary Baldwin, who is also a beinggirl.com expert. She and I talk often about the kinds of questions and concerns teen girls have and how best to address them. Mary has a M.S.Ed, with a focus on women’s health.  Should I win the Nobel Peace Prize, I promise to give her a bit of the winnings for inspiring me with ideas for my blog posts. Thanks Mary!!

Love and Friendship: What teen girls ask about.

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Recently, I blogged about the top questions teens want to have answered about puberty, periods and products using questions the beinggirl.com women’s health experts answer most frequently. In this post, I will provide insight into what teen girls ask the beinggirl.com women’s health experts about in regards to relationships with girlfriends and boyfriends. I am hoping that if a teen reads this blog, she will know that she isn’t alone with the kinds of concerns and questions she may have about crushes, love and friendships. Also, these questions and answers will help provide parents with a better understanding into what their daughters think about.

For those of you without teen girls, I suggest you read this too. No doubt that the answers are relevant for us older girls who have girlfriends, boyfriends, crushes and unrequited loves. For the men, you can thank me for the insight.

How do I get my crush to like me?
Why not start by smiling and saying “hi”? This guy will probably be glad that you did! Ask him about something that he is interested in or mention something the two of you have in common. The conversation will probably go fine from there. If the two of you “click” you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable asking him to hang out sometime. There’s no reason a girl shouldn’t ask a guy to do that. You may just make his day. If nothing else, you (and he) may have a new friend.

What can I do to become less shy and try to make friends?
Actually, being shy can be a trait that some people like…it can make you a good listener! If you want to participate more in the conversations around you, then learn about the things that people are interested in and practice at home what you are ready to say and what questions you want to ask. It is also easier to learn to talk with people if you get involved in an activity that interests you so that you work together on common goals and interests, and you’ll have real things to talk about. Don’t expect the world to change when you take your first step in overcoming shyness. It takes time for others to get to know you and for you to know and feel comfortable with others. Be friendly no matter how others respond to you at first. Change will happen gradually. Be patient with yourself and others. You can do it!

All of my friend’s parents let them go places without an adult.  How can I convince my parent’s to let me go to places with my friends and them not tag along?
First, take an honest look at your own behavior. Are you trustworthy? For example, do you do all of the things that you say you are going to? Do you do your homework without having to be told? Are you getting the best grades that you are capable of? Do you do the chores around the house that you are supposed to without having to be asked? Do you ever pick up extra responsibilities to help around the house? If the answer is no, then you may need to spend a good bit of time on these issues before asking for more freedoms. If the answer is truly yes, then sit down with your parents and try to discuss with them what is going on. Do this calmly and make your points clearly. List all the ways in which you feel you are responsible and exactly what new privileges you are looking for. Be specific about what it is that you want and also offer suggestions about where you are willing to compromise. This should help.


My crush likes my best friend, how do I get him to like me and not her?
Here are some facts about guys…

-If he isn’t asking you out, he isn’t into you. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship, or that he wants to take it slow, or that he’s intimidated by you. The plain truth is that he isn’t into you.

-He gave you his number and told you to call. If he wanted to talk to you he would have gotten your number and already called you!

-If he isn’t calling you, he isn’t into you. He doesn’t want you calling him if he isn’t calling you so put the phone down and don’t call him.

-If he likes you he will ask you out. If he doesn’t, then he doesn’t want you asking him out!

-If he likes you, he won’t forget it. He will call you, text you, or do what it takes to get in touch with you. Leave him alone and let him contact you.

-If he doesn’t do what he says he is going to do, then run because you don’t want to be in a relationship with him since he obviously doesn’t make you a priority.

-If he doesn’t want others to know he is your boyfriend, then end the relationship and find the guy that does want others to know he is YOUR boyfriend!

-If he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship, then he is really saying that he isn’t sure that you are the one so why waste anymore time. Go out and find the guy that is the one.

-Remember, he doesn’t need to be reminded that you are great. He will know that you are and treat you likewise.

-You deserve to be with someone that is nice to you all the time. You also need to be nice to him to.

I know, some of this is hard to hear but ALL of it is true. He likes your friend better. Stop making excuses for your crush, your boyfriend, and your ex. Take care of yourself. There is no female that deserves better than you so start acting like it today. Guys like self-confident girls and being able to walk away from a guy that doesn’t respect you will show guys just how confident you really are.

My best friend is awesome! We hang out with each other and stuff. But then she met this boy and now all of the time she talks to him or about him! Everywhere we go, she brings him along and I’d really want us to be just us again. How can I tell her that?
As you grow and change, your relationships will too. Not all friendships are going to last forever and some may not last long at all. Drifting apart from friends is hard, no matter who’s doing the drifting. So it’s normal to feel upset.

If your best friend pulls away, don’t chase after her. Just busy yourself. Now’s the time to think about your interests, and new activities. Try out for the school play, or join a school sport’s club. There are tons of things to do and tons of people to meet.

I can’t stop thinking about my best guy friend. I think I might be crushing on him, but I’m not sure. If I am, should I tell him? We have been friends since the 5th grade, and now we are going in to 8th. I don’t want to lose this friendship. He sometimes shows off in front of me. All of my friends say he likes me and we would be perfect together. At times I sometimes believe them, but other times I don’t. Should I ask him out?
Your crush is everything you want in a guy. He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s smart… and he’s your best friend! Aah! Add in that minor detail about him being your BFF, and you’ve either got a recipe for disaster or a match made in heaven—it’s a toss up.
 
It’s hard not to have a crush on your best friend. He’s obviously fun to be with—you wouldn’t hang out with him if he weren’t. Plus, you guys have the same interests and can be comfortable around each other. Before you run to his house, screaming your vow of undying love for him through the streets, you have to decide if this crush is for real and if you’re ready to put your friendship on the line.

If your friend is single, make sure this crush is the real thing before you profess your love. Why do you think you two can be more than friends? If it’s because you recently broke up with someone and he’s been there for you through the hard times, it’s probably not a good idea to make your move.
 
Maybe you think he’s been especially flirty with you lately. Flirtation is hard to gauge. You might think he’s super flirty because you’re looking for any kind of sign that he feels the same feelings for you as you do for him. You might be reading him all wrong, so be careful.
 
If you’re sure your feelings for him are real, go for it. Don’t tell him when you’re around other people. Tell him when you’re somewhere quiet with little distractions. Be honest, but don’t go on and on for hours about how you’ve been in love with him since the two of you were in diapers. That will scare him away. Just say, “I like you more than a friend and hope we can go out sometime. If you don’t feel the same for me, that’s OK. I’d like to remain friends with you.”
 
He might say no. You will be crushed and sad, but you’ll get over it eventually. If he says no, don’t ask him why. That’s like asking him to rip your heart into tiny little pieces after it’s already been broken. Be respectful and don’t badger him.
 
Remember, even just confessing your feelings to him may make your friendship really strange. He might not want to hang out with you as much as before. He might be distant for a little while. Your relationship could return to normal or it could change forever. That’s another thing you have to take into consideration.
 
If he says yes, good for you and good luck!

There is this girl at school who keeps spreading rumors about me and people are turning against me. What should I do?
Try hard not to protest too much. As unfair as that it may seem, that just reaffirms to the rumormongers that you are lying. Try to get through the day as if nothing were different. Getting revenge might feel good for a moment but will only result in getting you into trouble and making you look guilty. These responses are based on impulses, not careful thought. Think about what you want to say and try choosing how best to respond rather than just exploding with emotion. Confront the person calmly. Let them try to explain. If you don’t get satisfaction, a trip to the guidance counselor might be in order. You should also seriously consider telling your parents. Time will heal. The rumor about you will soon be replaced with the next hot story of the week. Importantly, your composure might cause that rumor to die an early death.
 
There is this guy who I have a huge crush on, I think we would be perfect together, but he’s dating my best friend. Should I tell him or not?
Put your relationship with your girl friend above all others. Going after the same guy isn’t a smart idea if you value the relationship with your friend in any way.

There is this boy at school who has a mega crush on me but I don’t feel the same way. How do I break it to him that I don’t like him?
Be honest. Coming right out and saying, “I like you as a friend” can prevent a lot of miscommunication and embarrassment. You might think it is easier for him if you lie and say you have a boyfriend, or give some other excuse. But eventually he might find out and be even more hurt.

Don’t start ignoring him. This won’t make his crush go away. Don’t return his stares with smiles and don’t start a conversation because these will only give him the wrong idea. If you are friends and he tells you how he feels, you two need to have a talk. If you want to be friends with him, make sure to tell him that too. Put yourself in his shoes. If you liked him and he wasn’t interested in you “that” way, you’d want him to tell you that instead of ignoring you or acting like a jerk.

Don’t lead him on. You might be flattered that someone likes you, even if you don’t like him back, but don’t lead him on so that you feel better about yourself. This can only lead to bad feelings and is unfair to him.

If you feel like he is starting to stalk you – that is, follow you around or calling you a lot when you have made it clear that you are not interested talk to your parents or to a school counselor about it. You shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable or unsafe because of someone else’s feelings toward you. Talking to a counselor can help you understand this and can help you figure out what actions will stop him from bothering you.

I have these two ‘friends’ who seem to do everything without me. They never ask me to join in. I don’t know what to do. PLEASE HELP!
Three is such a hard number for friendships- almost always, someone feels left out. The best thing to do when you are feeling like the one on the outside is to try to make more of an effort to be a part of things. Don’t try to play one friend against the other or you really will end up on the outside. Instead, invite both girls to do something with you. Do this well in advance, so that they won’t have already made other plans. This will help to make sure you are included. If they really seem to be hitting it off, please try to see it as a positive thing that is happening between them and not as something negative about you. Sometimes, for whatever reasons, two people just click. Also, try to expand your circle of friends. Don’t make all of your plans with these two or wait around for them. I am sure there are other girls who would be happy to get to know you better. If you can’t think of anyone right now, try joining some new activities to expand your circle of friends and keep you busy.